Sunday, June 21, 2009

Is Caring- That Human, And Parental Instinct, Out of Commission?

So often we read of severe abuse and death of our children at the hands of parents . . . by a family member or a sibling. Have we become so mechanized that maternal and paternal instincts are extinct? Has brotherly love become a thing of the past?

We so often hear of a child gone missing, of an infant being found in a trash-dumpster or thrown into a body of water, and off overpasses. So often we read of a missing child believed deceased and buried in an unmarked grave somewhere unknown.

Sometimes I feel an overload and can’t center my thoughts or my prayers on just one missing child or just one missing adult. I can’t sit and write about just one bruised, battered body of an adult or child found murdered at the hands of those entrusted with their care. With the one who promised in marital vows to love, honor and obey (meaning to respect the others wishes) until death do us part - not until they cause the death.

Today, as I sit thinking of children, little Jaliek Rainwalker comes to mind - a child yet found but believed deceased by the many not the few, allegedly at the hands of a person supposedly to have loved and cared for him. I think of little Trenton Ducket - another precious child unfound but believed deceased. I think of Josef Smith- brutally treated like a a possession and killed by his parents in the name of ‘spare-the-rod' love. I think of Sean Paddock horribly abused by his adoptive mother and died due to her punishments. I think of Caylee Anthony believed killed at the hands of her mother. I think of Daisja Weaver, an infant, yet found but believed deceased, whose parent allegedly threw off a bridge into a body of water. I think of little Laycee Johnson a 13-month-old whom her babysitter brutally beat about the head so badly her abuser killer’s knuckle prints were allegedly visible when she reached the hospital. I think of Emma Lee Barker, 18 months, allegedly smothered at the hands of her mother and left in tall grass on the side of an interstate. I think of Alycia Mesiti, age 14, allegedly killed by her father. I think of Ebony Dorsey, age 14, sexually assaulted and murdered by her mother’s boyfriend.

I think of all the child victims’ at the hands of those entrusted with their care, those who should love and protect them - those whose names I only recognize when hearing them. And all those I do not know about, or whose names have vanished into my memory so deeply that I can’t recall their names. Sadly, I’ve read of so many murdered children that I can’t readily list them.

Is this our children their children’s future? Will what we have always thought of as ageless and undying - that natural and instinctive parental love - become obsolete?


  1. Tigress, this is a sad state of affairs in our society and so many have become desensitized to the violence occurring all around them. Some days it's so hard to think about them all as individuals and remembering them all in our prayers is the best we can do.

    Thank you for being the concerned and thoughtful person that you are.

    Much love.........Delilah

  2. Your words were so heart wrenching, so sad. But, unfortunately the public hears the bad and rarely ever gets to see the good. Rarely ever gets to see the role models.

    I've watched two of my daughters take on the challenge of being single parents. One daughter just this past January, my grandson was 5 years old by that time, marry the love of her life. I watched her and my son-in-law blend a family where they put the children above all else. Good parents, great parents! Involved actively in their children's schools and sports and every aspect of their children's lives. Respect and love and happiness reigns in their blended family. I watch my other daughter make amazing choices for her and her 7 month old son. People out in the public are drawn to her and her son as their interaction is beautiful to observe. One happy baby and one happy Mom. I never have to worry about my grandsons as my daughters are role model parents.

    How did they get that way? They were brought up knowing they are loved and respected. They were brought up knowing what was expected of them. They were brought up knowing they are not door mats. They were brought up knowing that above all else you respect life at every stage from beginning to death. They were brought up in a home that discussions reigned on pointing out media stories on good behaviors as well as bad behaviors. Discussions on what if this happened to you ... how would you handle it?

    Too often now days young parents are handed a baby in the hospital, maybe given a demonstration on how to give a bath and then turned out to make their way in the world. Not all these young people came from homes where they had good role models. Isn't it high time we started teaching parenting classes in the schools, human growth and development classes, etc.? Isn't it high time we had good mentoring programs in place that follow at risk parents and activiely take part in teaching these parents how to develop the skills to become great parents? Wow what a vicious circle would be broken as their children would then be able to carry good parenting skills down to their children someday.

    For all the bad we hear about there is so much more good out there ... it's time to start pointing out the good, to use the good as a teaching tool.


  3. Delilah

    You are so right. The murder of our children at the hands of those entrusted with their care is a sad state of affairs. Unfortunately, it's also one where we aren't likely to see positive ending. Parents kill for their own selfish reasons. The if I can't have her/him then you can't either - or she/he wouldn't stop crying - and, too, so many claim mental illness as the reason. None of these reasons are just cause for abuse and murder of an innocent child. No just cause exist.

    I just keep praying.

    Thank you so much for your comments. I greatly appreciate them.


  4. Maureen,

    You make perfect sense with how the abusers and killers of our children are the few and not the many. And that doesn't make it hurt for the children any less, does it. Sadly, I am doubtful we'll ever have a world where family violence isn't a factor.

    I know schools have a program where kids take a programed doll home and have to give it all the care an infant needs. And that is a good thing. I agree also that we need to teach parenting skills a little more vehemently. But, how could we ascertain the at risk without being accused of profiling specific groups. It's a no win situation. I think it simply needs to go back to what you alluded to - being a role model makes a role model.

    I read a few days ago where a biological dad and his wife (Joshua and Brandy Sawyer) caused his child's death by blunt force trauma. The child, Carly, was starved and suffered violence by restraint. The biological mother and dad had divorced and she'd filed abuse charges against him with social services during a visit. She also took Carly back home with her, and to her parents. Joshua filed for and received custody and the grandparents were forced to return Carly to dad and his new wife. The whole story hasn't been told yet but one doesn't need psychic abilities to read between the lines or see what was warning signs of the 'could happen.'

    You can read of this case here:

    I have to wonder if education in parenting could've helped - or if it'd have shown his and Brandy's violent tendencies before little Carly was placed in their custody or even born.

    Thank you my friend for the read and comments. We just have to keep remembering what you said about so much more good existing.